


Reasons To Forgive

by MamaMiaOhMy



Series: Reasons for Living [2]
Category: Love Island (Video Game)
Genre: Cheating, Dom/sub, Drug Use, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Jealousy, NSFW
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-12 18:56:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29889057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MamaMiaOhMy/pseuds/MamaMiaOhMy
Summary: Jake Wilson never expected actually to be chosen for this season of Love Island; in fact, he hadn't even applied. Still after meeting and falling in love with Dax, it seemed at first that nothing could go wrong. With the opening of his new restaurant in London and their lives seemingly perfectly on track... until old demons came out to play. In this sequel to Reasons to Be Brave, Jake and Dax go on a journey that will test their trust in each other and ensure they find out who they really are, and what they really want for the future.Updates Every Sunday!
Relationships: Jake Wilson & Main Character (Love Island), Jake Wilson/Main Character (Love Island)
Series: Reasons for Living [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2197620
Comments: 12
Kudos: 15





	Reasons To Forgive

**Author's Note:**

> Been using music to inspire writing for this fic, each chapter will come with a short soundtrack to help set the mood if you're interested in listening to what I had playing while writing! Enjoy~
> 
> In The Waiting Line – Zero 7  
> Hide and Seek – Imogen Heap  
> Slow It Down – The Lumineers

Jake’s thumb hovered over the send button, the glowing blue light of the screen stinging his already aching eyes. The top of his chest sank heavily as the force of his heavy breathing filled the back of his throat.

_You need to get someone here. C’mon on you fucking idiot, this isn’t ok, you’re not fucking ok._

He looked down at the small white pills in his hand and then let his head fall back against the cold tile wall behind him, a wave of nausea turning his stomach. Subway tile, Dax had insisted. Dax had insisted on a lot. Thrifted furniture. Only original art on the walls, no prints. An entire wall of fucking plants. Remodelling the kitchen so he could have the exact range he’d always wanted.

Now, his head filled with the image of her carrying her bags through the door, he wondered how much of it she would take with her. He couldn’t remember who’d bought what, who owned what, they hadn’t bothered to keep track. How bare would the walls look without the art? How lifeless would their bedroom look without the pothos or the ferns? Jake clenched his jaw tightly, hoping that tensing his muscles might contain the unique blend of fury and emptiness and queasiness curdling in his stomach. He looked back down at his phone, rereading the message he’d typed for the tenth time.

****

It didn’t convey any urgency. It didn’t indicate in any way that he was sitting on the floor of his bathroom, clutching three oxy in his hand dying to slip away. Not forever, no, just long enough that he could have some peace. So he could stop thinking about what he’d done, stop picturing Dax pulling herself away from him and walking straight out the door. Talia knew him well, but she could only read between the lines so far. He rewrote the message.

****

He let his thumb hover over the send again his hand shaking as the muscles in his stomach and thighs spasmed frantically and sweat dripped down his back. ‘Need’ was stronger, clearer, she might understand. Still, he couldn’t hit send. Why? Why couldn’t he send the damn message? Why couldn’t he find the right fucking words?

_You don’t want her to come. You don’t want her to stop you. You don’t want to face what happened, you absolute fucking coward._

Jake could feel the sweat dripping down his brow as he clutched his knees tightly to his chest and another more powerful wave of nausea descended over him. Dax had given him so many chances and so much grace and asked for so little in return. She was his life, his future, and he’d let her just… his stomach contracted violently as he lurched forward toward the toilet.

_You don’t fucking deserve her, fucking piece of shit. You knew from day one that she was out of your league, and somehow some-fucking-way, you managed to convince her to love you. You should’ve known she’d go. This is all you’ve ever been._

Like he was in a nightmare, it didn’t matter where he ran, the urge kept on coming just the same. Jake stood up and turned to face his own reflection in the mirror. His face white, eyes red at the waterlines, his lip bloodied from biting and dripping bile, sweat, and tears. He looked down into his palm, resigned to what would happen next. After wiping his mouth with the back of his arm he turned the sink on high and tossed the pills into his mouth, slamming his palm into his face. Leaning forward he sipped at the flowing stream of water, gathering a full gulp, and swallowing. Fleetingly comfort stilled his breath; it would only be about 20 minutes before it would all go away and he could finally rest.

_You didn’t deserve her before you don’t deserve her now. You broken piece of shit._

As he stared into his own eyes back in the mirror, the guilt began to creep in. His throat tightened, a suffocating weight pressing onto his chest and the room beginning to spin. Jake took his phone from his pocket and opened his messages again.

****

“Fuck.” Jake muttered as he wandered out into his living room deleting the message and, dropping haphazardly onto his couch. He let his head fall into his hands trying to keep track of how quickly he was breathing. 10 minutes.

_I should’ve crushed them, fuck, just make it ten minutes mate. Just make it ten more fucking minutes and it’ll kick in._

She’d left hours ago and he still couldn’t catch his breath. Everywhere he looked, every time he opened his eyes, he was reminded of what he’d lost. Every room smelled like her. The shirt he wore still smelled like her. He stood abruptly attempting to unbutton it properly but was hindered by the violent shaking of his hands. Jake let out an angry grunt, ripping the shirt off and popping the last three of its buttons as he did. He crumpled it forcefully and tossed it through the arch to the foyer. He dropped back down onto the couch, the soft leather sliding against his skin, slick with sweat. The ticking of the clock on the wall beat into Jake’s head, each tick dragging him forward in time, and further from what he’d said to her. The words began to float around in his head as his centre of gravity began to sink, and he closed his eyes and laid back on the couch.

“…then maybe you should go.”

Warmth began to spread along the inside of Jake’s body, his eyes drying, the weight of his body melting into the soft cushions of the couch. The thumping of his heart played in stereo, as if someone was testing faders and passing the sound around his head from left to right, and back again. Suddenly it became louder, and louder until the thumping was no longer in his head but loudly coming from the front door. Jake stood slowly, pushing against his knees to help himself rise. He opened the large front door, working hard to keep his eyes fully open. Talia stood in the hall, a dark and serious look on her face.

“Talia. Did I text you? I thought…”

Talia’s brows twisted into sad confusion, her normally sparkling blue eyes looking a dull faded grey.

“What? No, I just couldn’t stay at my apartment, alone, while they took everything.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Jake rubbed his eyes, determined to focus on Talia rather than focusing on the growing feeling that he wasn’t connected to his spine.

“I sent Dax like 8 messages; did she not get them?”

“Dax is gone.”


End file.
